0:36
Hello, hello, hello, thanks for being here for another week. Or if you're brand new, hi! I'm Val.

0:44
First, I want to say thank you to everybody that has reached out about my mother-in-law. I feel your hugs, I appreciate you. And thank you for sharing any of your stories that you were sharing as well. That is the reason why I share so much and annoy some people who, you know, they can go away. Annoys some people because I could share so much. Thankfully, you're not one of those people; you're here to share as well. Because when we're sharing and talking, we're working through stuff. And the big thing is we realize how much we're all the same, and how much stuff we're all going through. And why are we beating ourselves up? Because we're all going through hardship yet.

1:30
And that leads me to today, I want to talk about doing the hard shit. I want to talk about doing things scared. I want to talk about not sabotaging and telling yourself, well, I don't have to because it's too scary. No, no, you do have to. You do have to, if you want goals to happen. So let's go down this route of doing it scared.

1:58
And I'll share – of course, I'm going to share, right? Why would I do something different now? Because I'm usually so energetic and outgoing. And everybody assumes that I'm like this giant extrovert, 100% full of confidence all the time. I've got all my stuff together. I guess sometimes that's how I come across to some people. I guess I'm good at faking some stuff. Sometimes people get blown away when I talk about how scared I am of doing stuff. 

2:29
And I'm like, "Wait, huh? Why do you think that I wouldn't be any, why do you think that I would be so different from you?" Everybody in the world has scary stuff they have to do – every one. It doesn't matter how high up you are in your business, in your sport. In anything, there's always going to be something that is going to scare you, because it's outside your comfort zone. You can talk to any Olympic athlete, talk to them. And they're still getting scared out of their minds and nervous because that's part of competing, that's part of the beauty and the endorphins of competing. But if they go and do something completely different, like all of a sudden they go and start doing talks. And speaking, holy crap, that's new, that's scary for them. And these are people that are very confident in what they have to bring to the world. In other areas, right?

3:35
We all have things that are going to scare us. And the beautiful thing I have found is usually if I'm getting pretty scared about it, it means that this is the right path. Or I guess we could do this whole Star Wars thing: "This is the way." This is the way. I find if I'm scared or really nervous about something. It's because this is supposed to be happening. And it's like my body knows that we're going to go do something great. And there's going to be a change. But there's times, even when I will have a podcast interview. And I am looking through all of the information before we're going to get on for recording, and my brain is like trying to protect me from the scary. And it says we could just cancel. We could just cancel. We've got legit reasons; we can pull up any number of those legit reasons that we could just cancel. Especially when I started looking at some of them, and all of a sudden it's like: oh, they're doctor this, and they've done this, and they've spoken to this, and they've got TED Talks. I'm like, oh my god, it's just little me. How can I be on the same level? And it's like, well, we're not on the same levels and that's okay. That is okay. Because they're probably not on the same level with something that I'm doing. You know what I mean?

5:00
I say that because there are oftentimes, and especially this year when I am hitting goals, and I am going after huge goals. I am doing a lot of stuff scared right now. I am. I am faking it till I make it right now. Often, I'm seeing these people bitching about the "fake it till you make it", and it just feels so icky. And it feels so gross.

5:28
And I call bullshit on that. I have been doing "fake it till you make it" for a very, very long time. And when I'm doing it, it's because I'm lacking the confidence. So, I am faking my confidence in order to get myself through it. And to me, that's how "fake it till you make it" works. That is my definition. That's how it works in my head. I don't know how it works in their head that they feel so icky. It's not like I'm telling people that I'm doing something. I'm not lying. That would definitely feel icky. I'm not lying about my knowledge, or my certifications. I'm not lying about anything. I'm faking my confidence when I'm scared out of my goddamn mind.

6:18
But like, for example, the only way I got on stage the first time was pretending that I was not as nervous as I was. It didn't work, I totally didn't work. The only way that first time on stage worked was the fact that I just stood up there and owned how nervous I was. I just owned it. Most of the audience already knew. Because it was a lot of my friends that showed up because they knew it was my first time, and they were beautiful. They showed up because they wanted to support me. So most people there knew. And I just owned it. I got the elephant in the room out immediately. For those that didn't know? Yeah, now here we go. This is my first time on stage. And I scared out of my mind.

7:00
And I look at it now. And I can remember how scared I was. But I can also remember the comfort that I had, once I just breathed into being there and owning what I know. And I'm applying for some speaker stuff. I really want to do more speaking; that was my entire business model. That was supposed to happen in 2020. And going forward, now that we are way deep into the emptiness now, that's what I want to do. I want to do more traveling and speaking. And I haven't spoken since 2019. And even just the thought of putting in a speaker application scares the crap out of me.

7:53
And I did not know that this was the way this conversation was gonna go with you. So obviously, I'm publicly saying that I need to go and do some speaker applications, obviously. I just called my own shit out. I did not know. I didn't know I was doing that. And I will write that on a post-it note right now: "fill out applications".

8:18
So, doing it scared, here's gonna be the deal. I'm going to be scared out of my mind. It'll be different to travel again by myself. I just got comfortable traveling alone. And then, we all know what happened in 2020. And so all of that is going to be a first again. And here's what doing it scared is really about. I'm making it bigger in my head already. I am already telling myself, "Oh my gosh, this is going to be exactly like the first time all over again. Because it's been so long." But is it though? You can't ever have a first time on anything again, right? So is it gonna be scary? Yes. Is it gonna be scary if I've done 100 of them? It might be, I don't know. We'll have to find out. We'll have to find out after I hit 100 engagements. So I have to pay attention to what I'm building up in my head that might not be a reality.

9:23
So what are you looking at, that you know if you did this, or multiple this is, would help you get to your big goals? And there's only big things can lead you to your big goals. What are you not doing because it's too scary, that you actually would like to do, but it soudns scary? So that's why I say with the speaking, I would like to do the speaking. I'm scared out of my mind about doing the speaking. My brain says we don't have to do that. My brain also says, but we want to. My brain says, "Yeah, but it's scary. We don't have to do that, we can do so many other things in our business." And my mind says, "Yeah, but I want to."

10:18
So I have to figure out the "want to" and the scary and figure out which one do I want more? What do I want to look back on? 10 years down the road, five years down the road, next year, next month? What do I want to look back on and be super proud of versus going, "Oh, yeah, look, you didn't do it again because it was too scary." What's on your list? What's on your list of doing? And you're putting it off? Because it's scary?

10:54
How can you make it happen? How can you tell yourself that you're going to be safe? How can you create a little bit of a safe environment? For me, that first time getting on stage, I had friends that were amazing there, creating that safe environment for me. They had my back all around the room, and it was awesome. I guess what? If I have a speaking gig come up, if you've got anything for me, let me know. Hit me up. I bet if I told people where I was going to be, I bet I'd have multiple friends there. Maybe you. Maybe we'd meet in person.

11:44
See, that's the thing that gets me crazy excited about why I want to go into speaking engagements. Maybe we could meet. Maybe that would be the event that was close enough, or you were willing to travel? And we could meet? And how wonderful was that? And I look at that. And that gets me so damn excited. And I'm like, yep. Okay, I'll do the scary. Because I want that to happen. That's the extrovert part of me, right? That does show up. I'm an ambivert. So I've got both. So that was definitely it. 

12:19
So, what are you not doing just because you're scared? What are you not doing that you really want to happen? You feel it, like this is going to be a deathbed thing where you're thinking, "God, I knew I should have done that. I wish I had done that." What is something you've been wanting to do that you would look back and regret not doing it?

12:48
How can you make it happen and do it scared? And know that you're going to be scared? And it's going to be okay, because you're safe? Maybe you can get other people there to help you. What is it? Maybe I can go. Give me a reason to travel. I so want to travel. So, doing it scared, I want you to take a look at your goals, your crazy goals. And when I told you to do something scared, what popped into your brain?

13:22
I would love it if you hit the Facebook group and let's talk about "doing it scared." Let's talk about big scary goals and throw them out there. I mean, I already threw it out there that I've got to go fill out speaker applications. I did fill out one a couple of weeks ago, I will admit that it was a second glass of wine that gave me the confidence to fill it out. I've also got this most amazing husband in the world who's totally supportive of me and my crazy.

13:52
I love-hate him at times because it's all my fault. Because if I tell him that, "Hey, I think I'd really like to do this," he just says "do it." No ifs, ands, or buts. I'm trying to talk myself out of it because it's scary. So I'm just going to say, "Oh, I can't afford it. I don't blah, blah, blah," you know, and come up with a million zillion excuses. And he's just like, "Do it. Here's the credit card." It's like, son of a bitch sometimes. Sometimes you drive me insane because you're so supportive.

14:27
Yeah, that's my house. I didn't say it because I'm so scared. It's because it's a big step. And he knows that because he's gone through huge steps for his career, and he's there. He's at the pinnacle of his career before he retires in 30 months, 30-ish months, give or take. But now it's my turn. And sometimes that's scary for me as well.

14:53
So, what can you do scared? How can we work you through it? So that even though it's scary, you're still doing it. I want to hear it. I want to hear about what you're going to do. So hit us up in the group, send me an email, and you fill out the contact form. Let me know all about it. You can always hit reply to any of my emails, you should be on my list. You can always hit a reply to any of those emails, and I will get back to you. But I want to hear it. I want to hear what you're going to do scared and how you think it's going to help you grow.

15:29
Alright, I'll talk to you next week.