Val Selby [00:00:06]:

Hey, this is Val Selby and after over 20 years online, I can track where my mindset has blocked me. If procrastination, impostor syndrome and a lack of focus have been blocking your biz, then Val Full Volume is here to help you see choices you are making. Get ready to use your expertise to collaborate like a pro as you create the business of your dreams. Now is the time to make changes and live your best life. Let's get to it!

Val Selby [00:00:36]:

Hello. Hello. Thanks for being here another week with me. I'm Val Selby from Val Ful Volume. Obviously. And if you're on my list, you know, over my list of ValSelby.com, by the way, if you're on that list, I talk in my emails. So I write in my emails a lot about mindset and transitioning business, even more than I do here on the podcast. And I had my rancy pants on a couple of weeks ago and I love it when it's just spur of the moment ranty pants. All of a sudden, it's just I can't take no more. I've got to go send this email and let it out. I'm going to explode.

Val Selby [00:01:38]:

And I know the right people are going to connect with me and they do. I get replies on those emails going, oh my gosh, yes, thank you for saying this kind of thing. It's like, hey, yes, I know. It just has to be said. Has to be said. So why were my ranty pants on? I was sitting there going through my emails, well, are you like me? And when you're coming out of overloading yourself with all of the things that you could be doing out there, classes, workshops, all of that, like I talked about last week, I end up being on so many more lists. Now for me, I am working on unsubscribing from a lot of different stuff because running events for so many years I am on a lot of lists and my brain has said it's okay to stay on the list. Because we need to keep in touch with what they're doing, and then we know to invite them to the right event, and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

Val Selby [00:02:52]:

No, all it is doing is filling up my emails, right? So I'm going through my emails and as I'm going through, I do have subfolders. I'm going through and I'm going through and there's just constant emails, just email from all of these different coaches and all of these different launches, new launches. And I'm noticing because things will smack you in the face when it's your time to hear them, I'm noticing that everything is absolute. This is the way to do it, to do this. This is the only way that you will hit this. This is oh my God. It was non stop, every email to the point where it was just like, oh my God, I hate everyone. The time that you're probably supposed to get off the computer it was that time.

Val Selby [00:03:52]:

No, I didn't do that. I just kept going through and deleting people and it's just like, what is going on? That I was okay. I know. I do know what was going on. How in the world do I get sucked in to these coaches that are teaching in absolutes? This is the funnel. If you have this funnel, then you will be successful. And you have to have this in place or you won't be successful. You'll never hit it.

Val Selby [00:04:25]:

I mean, it is bro marketing. I don't know. I'm getting tired of that term bro marketing because everybody's using it. So let's just not do the whole gender specific thing anymore. There's plenty of women that are doing exactly the same thing. Because I know this because I just unsubscribed from a million of them. See ranty pants. Here we go.

Val Selby [00:04:45]:

I know that I was getting smacked in the face with all of that because I needed to hear it. I needed to pay attention so that I am watching what I am saying when I talk to others as well. So for that, I'm thankful. I am super thankful for that because it's the good check in for myself of, okay, are you regurgitating shit you've heard from other people? I mean, I've been online for 23 years. The last three years I've worked, really worked on uncoaching because 20 years of constantly being told, this is the only way that you can do business, this is the only way you will be successful. This is the steps that you need to do by different coaches. And like I talked about last week, I'd have a whole group of coaches and mentors that I would be learning from, and they're going to contradict each other because they grew their businesses in different ways, right? And I'm not talking about my mentors and coaches over the past.

Val Selby [00:05:55]:

That's a whole different thing. I'm talking about the people that were in my inbox a couple of weeks ago that I was going through if I was following all of them, which obviously I was feeling very disconnected. Like I talked about last week, feeling disconnected, looking for answers, right? And that's how I ended up on their list. So their marketing was to me when I signed up for them, obviously. And now I'm looking at it going, oh, my gosh, no. Because if that was the only way to grow your business, then everybody would be doing it. And like, I was telling my list and the conversations I was having when people were replying, which I love, please do reply to my emails. I love to chat. As I was replying or telling them there's no one way to do it or we would all be doing it that way.

Val Selby [00:06:52]:

And I know when I'm feeling lost, when I'm looking for the answers of what my next step is, I'm obviously attracting those people that are like, this is the way this is the way. Do it this way. Because it would be so much easier, right? Be so much easier. But if there was only one way, we'd all be doing it that way. And the good and the bad thing about being in business for yourself is you can do business any way you want. That's the good thing, the bad thing, you can do business any way you want. And it's about ownership. Ownership of your choices, ownership of what you want to create.

Val Selby [00:07:41]:

And I know that that gets scary as an entrepreneur. I know from my past experience that I was definitely for so many different years, I was looking for somebody to tell me exactly the steps to do it. Because for one, that seems like it would be the easy thing, right? Which of course, no, because my brain's going do what I want, but I'm still looking for the person to tell me exactly what to do. And arguing in my head, probably in arguing with a few coaches too. But there's no one way to do it. And you have to do it your way and you have to take ownership for it. When you're looking for somebody to tell you how to run it, you're looking for the scapegoat. Are you feeling that? That's what I was doing.

Val Selby [00:08:31]:

I was looking for the person and the process or the platform. That when I did it that way. And it didn't work because of course, I'd already told myself it wasn't going to work because I didn't want to do it that way. But then I could blame it on them that it wasn't my fault. I did what they told me and it failed. I knew it was going to fail. Of course it was going to fail. I had no ownership in it.

Val Selby [00:08:58]:

I was just trying to recreate what had worked for somebody else. And that doesn't work. It doesn't work if you're not taking any ownership, if you're not tweaking it, if you are cookie cuttering. Cookie cuttering probably not a word. If you are doing a cookie cutter business of some sort, that's not going to work. You have to be in it. You have to do it your way. And ironically, I was noticing all of that.

Val Selby [00:09:29]:

And of course the universe had thrown this totally new person, totally new coach and challenge, and it felt perfect. It was anti. What I was deleting. So I've been all in. I'm doing it this week and I love what she's saying and I resonate with what she's saying. Gucci terms. She was the anti of all of that stuff that I was getting rid of. So this week has been excellent because I've been sitting there and I've been having to think and I've been having to create and it's been bringing different people in for helping me think and create and look at what I want.

Val Selby [00:10:21]:

What do I want my business to look like? What do I want to create and how do I want to create it? Like I said, there's no one way to do stuff based on our past experiences, our personalities, what we want to create as a business, how big of a business we want it to be. I am really working on still uncoaching. It's all of those years of coaching and hearing stuff from people and great mentors, right? Great mentors. And they've grown now too. I mean, I talk to a lot of them still, so we still connect and we still talk and we're human. So we're always going through a process of learning and learning how we should communicate with people. And any good coach is constantly going and learning so they can be a better coach. But that means that I'm a completely different coach now than I was ten years ago.

Val Selby [00:11:23]:

And that was true in the sports world as well when I was a track coach, when I started coaching versus when I ended. Holy cow. Night and day. Night and day. I mean, for one, there's a confidence level going on, right? But then constantly improving and going to workshops and going to classes and looking at things online. It's a constant process to be improving. Any coach should be doing that. Any coach should be growing. And that's one of the reasons why now I'm kind of laughing.

Val Selby [00:11:55]:

I'm not so ranty pants about it. I'm kind of laughing as I'm looking at all of these things pop up because it's so rigid that you're not leaving room for actual coaching with the client. So that kind of leads down to what so many people have talked about with coaches where they don't feel like they're getting listened to, right? And they're not. Because what some of those coaches want is, well, for one, they're regurgitating whatever they learned and they're also regurgitating is obviously my word today. They are just feeding back exactly what they've been told to do and they just don't know any different. And that's okay. Hopefully they'll learn. We just have to be aware of what we need in our coaches.

Val Selby [00:12:51]:

So for me, I'm working on uncoaching. I tried to buy the domain. I know I've talked about this previously, but I'm working on uncoaching. Uncoaching. Getting rid of all of the bullshit in my head and that helps me work it out with my clients as well. Getting the bullshit out of my head that is stuck in there still because it's so ingrained of you must do business this way, you must do business this way. You need to have social media, your social media needs to be posted to this many times, blah, blah, blah. You must do reels. I mean, oh, there's so much stuff that we're fed that we have to do, right? And we don't, we don't have to do a single, single speck of it.

Val Selby [00:13:37]:

And believe me when I say that I instantly stuff pops into my head. Oh, but I want you to email more. We can have the conversation about emailing. It's kind of one of those things that I do stick by. But even then, you have to make it work for you and it has to be working for you at this time. If you're going through a season, maybe one email a week is great. Maybe the one email a week was tough, right? And then we have other seasons where we're just like balls to the wall, all right, doing an email every damn day. And that's great.

Val Selby [00:14:14]:

I think it's super great just based on what you need to do. But that's the uncoaching that I'm working on. I'm still working on it because I just get a little twitchy when something comes up because I've been told so many times, I've read it so many times for so many years. This is the way. It's like, no, none of that is the way. None of it is the only way. The only way to do business is as you want and taking responsibility that you know what, it failed. All right, that's okay.

Val Selby [00:14:52]:

We'll try something different. So take a look at your inbox. Who are you following? What messages are you getting from your inbox? I'd love it. If you commented or sent me an email, let me know because I'm really curious. I mean, if you're here, you probably found this episode because you're in the same boat, yada yada, universe, blah, blah, blah, blah, manifest bring in the people. But you're probably here because you're having the same issue in your email as well, and that's why you are here listening. But I'm super curious. Is it a trend or is it just the trend that I filled in my inbox because of the last few months when I've been lost? I'll be honest, I've been lost.

Val Selby [00:15:42]:

I am coming out, seeing the light, thankfully, so excited. People that have mentors and coaches that have come into my space recently and are helping me think and not telling me, telling me this is what needs to happen. They're making me think. And that's good and bad. Right now, I'm going to have to take full ownership, full ownership of whatever I do. Damn it. But there's also the extremely amazing opposite of take ownership of when it works. I did it with the help from a team, of course, but I did it.

Val Selby [00:16:39]:

I did it my way. And look at it. It worked. Now how can I tweak it to keep it working and making it better? All right, so if you're noticing that you're getting preached at from your inbox, constantly being told this is the way to success, this way, do it like that. There's no gray area. This or nothing. Just pay attention and start unsubscribing. Make room.

Val Selby [00:17:13]:

Make room for those new mentors and coaches that are going to come in. You're going to find and they're going to make you think. Probably make you slow down. Oh, my God. I don't have time to slow down. Yeah, you do. Because you know what happens when you slow down? You get reenergized. You come out even stronger. Your business improves, because you're going to come back with this clarity and focus keywords, right? So leave room.

Val Selby [00:17:47]:

Get rid of those, especially if you're not opening them anymore, because you're looking at the subject line, and it's telling you from the subject line that I have the only way. You must follow this, or you must follow this person. I've got the perfect person, and they're going to show you exactly how to do it. Yeah, maybe. But not if you're going to tell me that that's the only way. If you're going to say, hey, I've got a way, a great way. Different voices, okay? I'm not going to go down the squirrel. No squirrel trails. Take a look at your inbox.

Val Selby [00:18:21]:

What's your inbox telling you right now, and take control of it. Get rid of them. If they're not serving you and helping you improve, get rid of them. If you're ready to be uncoached, join me. Would love to work with you. Let's see if it's a good fit. All right.

Val Selby [00:18:45]:

Ranty pants seem to be gone. I'm feeling better already. Thanks for listening and I'll chat with you next week. Bye.