Val Selby [00:00:06]:

Hey, this is Val Selby and after over 20 years online, I can track where my mindset has blocked me. If procrastination, impostor syndrome and a lack of focus have been blocking your biz, then Val Full Volume is here to help you see choices you are making. Get ready to use your expertise to collaborate like a pro as you create the business of your dreams. Now is the time to make changes and live your best life. Let's get to it!

Val Selby [00:00:36]:

Hello. Thanks for being here with me another week or possibly you just found me. I'm Val Selby, and I own Bundle Bash. It's fall, like, today. Let me tell you that I am human. And today proves it. It's icky out. We've had such a gorgeous summer here in the, Seattle area. Like, I think we only hit a hundred a couple of days, which has not been normal for us. We've had lots of days of a hundred the previous few summers.

Val Selby [00:01:28]:

We had a lot of days in the eighties, which is absolute perfection. Just gorgeous. Not a lot of rain as you can tell by everything is, all the grass is brown. You could feel that it was changing, and change has a lot to do with what I wanna talk about today. And you could feel that it was changing. And I'm one of those people that I don't really do, like, the spring cleaning, but when fall hits, it's like super nester. Like, okay. I can feel it.

Val Selby [00:02:05]:

This house is gonna get closed up really soon. I've got to dust everything. It also helps that my allergies were getting bad so that I looked around and went, oh, maybe maybe I could help myself and and clean the house. It's a bit I get totally in that mode of, okay, let's clean, let's, you know, start putting things away. Are we gonna really need the fans out in every single room and multiples of them in some rooms? You know, just totally evaluating everything. And today it is so drizzly.

Val Selby [00:02:38]:

Oh, it's just gross. And it leads me to the I don't wanna, I mean, like, I have to get stuff done today because we're leaving tomorrow, and we're gonna go up to Vancouver, BC for a week, I think. 6 days, 7 days. Yeah. I think we're there for a week and I'm not gonna work. And that means I have to get stuff done today. I mean, there's real stuff that has to get done.

Val Selby [00:03:12]:

Deadline stuff has to get done. And all I could do is sit here and look out the window and go, but I don't wanna and it's gonna be even more difficult for me to go out and walk in this, and today's supposed to be my long walk day. And it will be because I'm not gonna self sabotage. I started really working on myself last week. Working on my health, I started reading. I'm almost done with the full book, and this is probably the 1st full book I have read in, air quotes, in at least 8 years, at least. I used to be an avid reader and anymore I'm picking up books and there are even books that I really want to read and I'm picking up books and I'm a chapter in and it has nothing to do with the book. It has to do with the fact words.

Val Selby [00:04:16]:

I cannot look at words. I'm looking at words all day long. And when I pick up a book, my brain is just like, this is not soothing. There is nothing relaxing about this. Work. Words. Work. So last week, I just, like, jumped all in.

Val Selby [00:04:36]:

I'm like, you know what? The only way for be me to be making changes is to absolutely be making changes. I didn't talk to anybody about it. I just decided this is gonna happen. I'm gonna start working out. There was a Facebook ad for this, like, gamified walking and stuff like that, and, of course, you know, how Facebook and Google listen to your thoughts, and it popped up, I clicked on it. I'm like, oh, you know what? This sounds like fine. Let's go ahead and do this. So now I'm betting against myself is what I'm doing for getting my walks in, which is why I know I will get my long walk in today because I have 20 bucks of my own money on the line, and I'm going to get my 20 bucks back.

Val Selby [00:05:18]:

Anyways, I started all of that last week and when I started that, I also thought you know what? I'll give Audible a try. It seemed really I don't even know why. It just It seemed weird to listen to a book. I you know, maybe old school. I don't know. It just did.

Val Selby [00:05:36]:

And I am so, so thankful that something in my brain said, you know what? Let's just try it. So when I'm doing my walks, I'm listening to the book. And the book that I picked or it picked me, do not know, is The Mountain Is You: Transforming Self-Sabotage into Self-Mastery. It's by Brianna Weist. And it couldn't have been a more perfect book for where I am right this minute. It's been crazy as I'm walking and listening how much everything is just like, uh-huh, uh-huh, Uh-huh. Uh-huh. It's so me.

Val Selby [00:06:27]:

And I know that I have a self sabotage issue, and that's what drew me to the book immediately was I know this, and it's something I've worked on. But this book, oh my gosh. Speaking right to me and the things that I do and just a really nice wake up call. And I know if I had grabbed this book, you know, hard copy of this book, I would have started reading it and I would have set it down because there's so much stuff to do during the day. And like I said, words, I don't wanna look at words. I'm really aware of this, that it's not relaxing, like I said. But the fact that the narrator is reading it to me is almost, I don't wanna say it's a coach, like a coaching session, but that's kind of what it feels like. I needed to hear the words.

Val Selby [00:07:27]:

Even if I had read this book, I don't think I would have felt the words. But hearing the words, and, of course, I'm out there walking, so there's nothing else to do but feel the words. I'm taking it in and I'm not worried about taking everything in. I'm taking in what I know I need right now whatever's hitting me. I'm just letting it happen, and I'm making changes. I swear I am making changes as I'm listening. There's like, oh, yeah. I do that.

Val Selby [00:07:58]:

Okay. Well, let's not do that anymore. Now I'm aware of I am doing that, why I'm doing that. So I wanted to find out, are you also a self sabotager? I think most of us are. I really do. And that's what part of the book was, you know, talking about is it's natural because our brains want to keep us comfortable, right? They wanna keep us in our comfort zone. They wanna keep us with the safe of okay, well, we know that this is safe. 

Val Selby [00:08:29]:

So in order to keep us safe and doing what we always do, whether it's good or bad, we know the outcome of it. Let's just sabotage and not do that. And for me, I've been specifically looking well, no, I guess I'm not. I'm looking at business and personal as I'm doing I'm just letting it be. Any of the thoughts that are flowing through, I'm just letting it be. But know for a fact that I've done it so many times in my business with the sabotaging.

Val Selby [00:08:58]:

A lot of the times, and I know clients, if you'll listen in and we've worked together, I know that we've talked about this same thing with marketing. I know how often, how often are you doing all of the work, getting amazing products out there, and then there's no marketing. You're not telling anybody about it. It's totally a self sabotage move. It's one thing I noticed, totally noticed it, got called out by a coach on it 4 years ago? I don't probably 4 years ago? Could be 5 years ago.

Val Selby [00:09:40]:

I had the sales page up. I was proud of myself because I didn't do you know, back then, you know, I knew I had a pattern. I would get things done, and it's like the day before the launch. And I was gonna get everything done, and then I'm just like, email out, launch tomorrow. You know what kind of thing? It was very rushed. I wasn't doing things ahead of time. So this time, I'm like, okay. Getting everything done 2 weeks before, huge momentous occasion for me. Right? Getting everything done 2 weeks before, emailed, maybe.

Val Selby [00:10:12]:

I think I sent 1 email out and then I might have, I might have, I'm not even positive, put something on my Facebook page that there wasn't any traffic to anyways. Right? And crickets. Crickets. In my head though, I had done marketing because I'd done it ahead and why weren't people buying and, I suck. You know, I mean just the whole, whole downward spiral. And so I met one of my coaches and she's just like, all right, well, let's pull up your stats and pull up the stats.

Val Selby [00:10:49]:

And I wanna say there'd been 10 clicks to the page. You know? I mean, it it could have been 4. It was ridiculously low, ridiculously low. And she's just like, okay, so how many times did you email? Now in my head, I swear I felt like I had emailed multiple times about it because I started ahead of time. So in my head, I did this. And I go to open up my stats, and I'm like, oh my god. I emailed one time.

Val Selby [00:11:22]:

And, you know, how many I don't remember how many clicks. It wasn't a whole ton of clicks. And the conversion to how many people actually went to my page from that email was actually really good for how few people were on my email list and the click - my open rates weren't very good. And then, you know, I had, like I said, maybe 10 people had clicked on. My stats were actually really good, but that's all I did was the 1 email and, and she even called me out on it. She's just like, well, why did you, why? And I broke down and start crying, and I'm like, I don't know. And that was another catalyst into me really working on my business mindset because I didn't know, and I didn't know how to make it better. And I had no idea why I was sabotaging.

Val Selby [00:12:18]:

You know? And this book was really going into, you know, part of the sabotaging could be money issues. It could be this. It could be that. So I just really let that flow through my brain of, okay, so what are my money issues? You know? What is and I know my daughter and I have talked about poverty mindset and how we both see it. We both see that we are doing it. We're both working on it. When when it pops up, we do, like, text each other and kinda giggle about it.

Val Selby [00:12:52]:

It's like, okay, this just happened, and it's not gonna happen again, you know, kinda thing or, okay, I decided I want this, and I'm gonna buy it, damn it. And we cheer each other on. We're like, okay, we're doing better. But I really paid attention to the whole money mindset of, you know, I didn't grow up with a lot of money. And I had a lot of friends that did have a lot of money.

Val Selby [00:13:20]:

And so I'm paying attention to okay, well, what kind of habits did I create out of necessity? I did learn not to ask for things unless I absolutely could justify it. And it wasn't anything that I remember a conversation per se, it was just, I guess always known. I mean, my parents would talk about the bills. So I knew about money, and I knew about paying the bills and all of that. And our kids did too. But I'm aware that there's probably so many times over my childhood. And I know for sure that, you know, the kids had the same thing of constantly hearing, well, we can't afford that right now. We can't afford that right now.

Val Selby [00:14:15]:

And especially I think that last term right now. And it led to a bad habit of when I do get money, I usually spend it. I go get all of the things. It's like a treat. Right? It's like, oh my God. There's extra money. I am going to go get all of the things. I'm being really good about not doing that because that is a form of self sabotage.

Val Selby [00:14:37]:

Because what happens when you don't have the cushion? Anxiety happens. Right? Look at all of the things that I've gone through over the last few months. I had the cushions in there. So when I had to go and pay for updating my LLC, changing some other things, moving stuff around, taking things on all myself, those were added expenses. And thankfully, I had that there. I hadn't gone out and okay, well, I need all of the cool new stuff for business now because I have the money and it's there. I didn't do that.

Val Selby [00:15:14]:

So I didn't sabotage and cause myself extreme anxiety. And even, like, this week, I had to go get ThriveCart. My cart is broke, and it's not taking PayPal. And I've been trying for 2 months, and it's costing me money. So I had to go move money around and go get ThriveCart, and I could do that without anxiety because I just had to move money around, and it's there. That money was staring me in the face over the last few months of going, oh my God, there's this cool new toy for the business, we could go and get that. 

Val Selby [00:15:50]:

I was like, no. No. No. No. No. I don't want anxiety. I don't wanna be living with poverty mindset in my business. I want to be thriving, no pun intended with the cart, thriving in my business. And that requires the comfort of having accounts that sit there for the rainy days, like today when you break your shopping cart and you have to go learn a new one.

Val Selby [00:16:21]:

Leaves it for that. But the money mindset is a self sabotage. I'm aware of that. I am aware of that. How many of us girls do and we joke about it, retail therapy. It's a real thing. It's a real thing. It's a money mindset thing as well.

Val Selby [00:16:38]:

Buying the actual stuff. It's got endorphins, sends out endorphins and, they don't last very long, right? So paying attention to that. All right. So self sabotage into self mastery. If you know that this is an issue that you're having, I highly recommend picking this book up. If you're not a reader, I highly recommend doing Audible. Give it a trial. There's a trial.

Val Selby [00:17:12]:

Listen to it. You know, I'm listening to it in the car, you know, while I'm walking. I'm almost done with it. I am so excited for that. I think it said I only have 22 more minutes left, so that will be completed when I'm out doing errands. Actually downloaded a brand new book to, listen to because I know before I get to my walk, I will already need a new book. But if you are in self sabotage, just start being aware. Just start being aware.

Val Selby [00:17:50]:

Where are you blocking yourself? You don't even necessarily need to know why. Not at first. You know, you might have an easy answer and know why, but just become aware of what you're doing. You know, my health is really bad right now. I'm not taking care of myself, and that's a self sabotage. Putting myself last is a self sabotage, so I'm not doing that. Hence, the new books that I'm reading and hence, the walking that I'm doing. I'm 100% doing it for me, and it's at the top of my priority list.

Val Selby [00:18:32]:

For once, when I'm out doing my walks, when I'm out doing my walks, I'm not rolling through my entire to do list of everything that I should be doing instead of being out on a walk. I'm for once in oh, gosh, it's been years, walking, going for my walks is my priority over all else, and it feels good because I know I'm putting myself first, and I'm not gonna sabotage. I'm going to keep putting myself first. I don't care that it's raining today. I'm still going to put my rain jacket on and I will get my booty down there and I'm going to go for a walk and I'm gonna continue to listen to my books because they're making me feel good, and they are bringing amazing things to my business. The clarity is really coming for exactly what I want to create.

Val Selby [00:19:27]:

I had a meeting with somebody yesterday too, and it was so fun to talk to somebody about my business who knows nothing about it. So she is just helping me me talk it through. And I was so excited. We ended up I think our 1 hour call ended up being closer to 2. It was awesome. And that's because of this book and me putting myself as a priority. I'm constantly asking myself, what do I want? What do I want to create? And it doesn't feel heavy when I'm asking myself that. There's plenty of times where that is just, like, brings in the anxiety of, oh my God, I don't know what I want. There's so many things and all the things, and I wanna do everything in all of my websites, and there's a million websites, and I have 12 million more ideas still.

Val Selby [00:20:20]:

None of that is plowing through my head right now. It's just okay, how do I get more focused and do more of what I love? And that's where the self sabotage will stop. And it'll be more self mastery and on really leaning into my zone of genius. And believe me, zone of genius. I'm gonna read the The Big Leap. Is it the big leap? The great leap, the big leap. I'm going to read that.

Val Selby [00:20:55]:

I tried I think I read over half of it years ago, and I just wasn't in a spot because all that went kept going through my head is I don't have a zone of genius. I mean, I was not in a good spot. I don't have a zone of genius. So if your brain that did that said that, and you're immediately like, I already tuned you out, girlfriend. It's okay to not know your zone of genius. It's okay because it's something that you're doing all the time, and you're so good at it you don't realize that you're doing it. So it took me a long time to figure out my zone of genius. So don't, don't stress.

Val Selby [00:21:35]:

Don't cause anxiety trying to figure it out. Just go with, okay, what do I like doing? Just keep asking yourself, what can I do more of that I like doing? That brings you money? If marketing is not something that you like doing, but you wanna be in business, I don't care. You're gonna have to do it. It's a have to. It's a have to. Otherwise, it's a self sabotage. So get out there.

Val Selby [00:22:02]:

Get marketing. Collaborate with people so that they are marketing for you as well. Alright. Well, I'll end this because I'm gonna have to go out in the rain because my putting myself first, and that's okay. It's not selfish. How can you put yourself first in your business, in your day to day, in your personal life, in everything, how can you put yourself first and feel good about it? Alright. Thanks for listening. I will chat at you next week.