Val Selby [00:00:06]:

Hey, this is Val Selby and after over 20 years online, I can track where my mindset has blocked me. If procrastination, impostor syndrome and a lack of focus have been blocking your biz, then Val Full Volume is here to help you see choices you are making. Get ready to use your expertise to collaborate like a pro as you create the business of your dreams. Now is the time to make changes and live your best life. Let's get to it!   

Val Selby [00:00:36]:

Hello. How are you doing? How's your December going? Yes. I know. I'm not supposed to reference dates or times or anything like that. Right? Because who knows when you're listening to this, but I don't like rules. Rules like that are dumb. And I know right now if you're listening to this because it just came through your subscribe button, please do subscribe, then you know what time of year it is and what we're going through and the crazy and the chaos and the need for taking deep breaths. And I had just emailed, I think, last week about it, talking about the need for deep breaths. I mean, I love hate this year, this time of year.

Val Selby [00:01:23]:

Okay. Wait. I said that, and I think I said love hate because that's, like, the saying. I love this time of year. I do love this time of year. Of course, I don't like the chaos, but for our family life, we've actually taken a lot of the chaos out. So that's not there the end of the year for business stuff. Yes. That's a lot, but it doesn't have to be.

Val Selby [00:01:51]:

And I can pay attention and not get grabbed up into the whole, oh my God, there's so much to get done, and I wanna do this and I wanna do that and these business tweaks and it's very easy for my shoulders to start hitting my ears, and here I go. And then my new anxiety meds are not gonna work because I'm working myself up. So bless the new meds. They are starting to work. Thank you for everybody that I've had conversations with about any of this. I appreciate the conversations as I work through new things and new realizations. That said, I do have to take control of my thoughts and my emotions as much as possible.

Val Selby [00:02:35]:

Do I need assistance? I do. That's why I talked to my primary care provider, and here we are. But I do have to take ownership of my thoughts and my feelings and how I can work through things without amping myself up. It's sometimes better than others, but even when I was just talking that little laaaa out, my shoulders are going up. Everything's going up. I'm sure you heard my voice. My voice starts going lalala and totally unconsciously, all of the shit that I need to get done just, like, starts spewing out, right? So deep breaths are super important at this time of year.

Val Selby [00:03:15]:

Deep breaths. Paying attention to your list. What is on your list? And this is good for any time of the year because this hits. You never know when it's gonna hit. You could have a big launch coming up. You could be in a total funk business-wise and stuffs in the toilet, and you're just full of anxiety about it. You never know when this is gonna come up. Business is business, and stuff happens, and stuff changes.

Val Selby [00:03:43]:

And it has to change. That's how we grow. It has to change. So paying attention to when you're starting to do the amp up, when I'm starting to do the amp up, and really focusing on my shoulders going down, a deep breath or two or five, I will say I would be pushing it for me. I know. I'm a work in progress. I'm trying. I'm learning how many years I've been dealing with anxiety.

Val Selby [00:04:13]:

I'm learning, okay? I've been doing a lot of deep breathing. And, honestly, the deep breathing was what started me figuring out how bad the anxiety level was and has been and potentially always has been my entire life. I'm not gonna analyze all of that. I'm just gonna work on it now. For at least the last 10 years, I can remember when I'd get super stressed out all of a sudden, there'd be a lot of sighs, and this is a good thing. I didn't realize it was a good thing. I didn't realize it was my body, mind, whatever.

Val Selby [00:04:52]:

Myself trying to adapt and get present. I didn't know that. Now I do. Now I pay attention. Like, the last few years, I mean, goodness knows, we've had a lot of reasons to have to take deep breaths in the last few years. So much change has happened. And I've talked to my husband about it even, and I'm like, okay. And I'd find myself (sighs).

Val Selby [00:05:16]:

And, like, every 15 minutes, I would be doing that and finally, I'm looking at it, I'm going, okay, I'm just gonna acknowledge this and let you know before it potentially annoys you, this is probably gonna be a thing today. I'm obviously working through some stuff. I'm not quite sure what that stuff is right now, but I'm just gonna let you know (sighs) it's gonna be one of those days. I mean, we're in the empty nest. We're getting super close to his retirement years, super close.

Val Selby [00:05:47]:

So I'm working really hard at much more communication, okay? Much more because our days together are really close to being 24/7, and that means that our communication is gonna have to be skied. Like, our commune as I'm learning, as, you know, his schedule has adapt because he's gone on days instead of being on shift at the fire department, I'm learning how I can function through all of this because he's helped so much and I am not used to this. I am not used to this. So I'm learning that my communication has to get not even next level, like, next four levels and within the next two and a half years. And it's weird to me because I'm communicating this stuff, and I wasn't used to communicating. I mean, God, he wasn't home, right? So I didn't have to communicate that, you know what, this is what I'm doing today.

Val Selby [00:06:46]:

I didn't even - that's probably potentially why I didn't even acknowledge thought it was a thing. It just was a thing. I was just doing it. Now I know it's good that I'm acknowledging it. It's good that I'm talking about it. It's all good. Helps me process or not process because sometimes I just don't even need to process. That's part of the weirdness of me learning to deal with the anxiety.

Val Selby [00:07:06]:

So this time of year can be a lot. And like I said, we did make a lot of changes. We've done - I have done - I am not gonna do the we. Yes. As a family, we have changed things, but anything I'm doing is my choice, right? See, ownership. I'm working on ownership even in my own brain. I've paid attention to the boundaries that I need to set quite a few different times over the years, and they've needed to change.

Val Selby [00:07:33]:

Working on the boundaries for family and the boundaries for family also has to do with me not working on my business during those times when family are around, I wasn't amazing over Thanksgiving for that, but I made that choice, and I consciously made that choice. But the Christmas time frame, absolutely. Will be 100%. Well, my son will be sleeping in my office, so that's totally off limits. My computer will go in here. I will not be checking emails much. I probably have to do some honesty to that because I don't wanna open my emails and have thousands and thousands to go through. And they're just sitting around and doing coffee.

Val Selby [00:08:12]:

Anyways, I'm gonna be really honest in the boundaries that I need to put in place and that things need to be happening. And I gave my assistants - I gave my team the week off of Christmas paid. So, oh my God, I just said that. That makes me feel amazing. That's oh, I love that. It just brought tears to my eyes, that's amazing. I love my team, and I love the fact that I can do that and give them that time off.

Val Selby [00:08:39]:

Anyways, be present. I need to be present. I have to pay attention. I have to be aware that any schedule that is chaotic is chaotic because I have created that. So do I want that? Or do I want something calmer? I am choosing the calmer. And you can have the option of choosing the calmer as well. If this time of year is getting just extremely over the top, especially if you've got a lot of family stuff that you've been doing, there's so much that we do want to do that's fun, and we only can do it during this time of the year, right, for the holidays, going and seeing lights, going to holiday festivals. It's the only time of year if this is what you like to do.

Val Selby [00:09:33]:

So pay attention to what your priorities are. Look at your to do list for business, for your work. Is this something that's gonna be attainable if you really only have 3 hours to get work done? There's no way to cram in 8 to 10 hours of work in 3. It's impossible. I've tried. I still try. I still catch myself trying to do that.

Val Selby [00:10:02]:

It's not possible. It's just not. So be honest with yourself of what your expectations are. Redo your work to do list and prioritize, okay? Today, I know I'm going to be honest with myself, and I probably only have an hour and a half. What can you seriously get done, absolutely commit to getting done, realistically, in that hour and a half, that's going to be a business builder moneymaker? Make it your money tasks, okay?

Val Selby [00:10:38]:

Just focus on that. What is your money task that you can get done? Usually, that is sending out an email, right? If you know that it's an overloaded month for you, like April. I'll just go ahead. I know April is a big month for me. I have multiple volunteer events happened on the weekend. It's my husband and my anniversary. So next year, we're going to Puerto Vallarta for a week.

Val Selby [00:11:05]:

April is an insane month, which means that my to do list has to get much smaller. I also need to plan ahead for it, right? Because, obviously, for that week in Mexico, I ain't doing nothing but staring at the ocean with my husband. A tit. And I have to pay attention to that. Okay, my to do list in April is going to look very different than it can in January or February because there's just not as many open days to get work done. I know that my brain is already going to be in Mexico by the time April hits.

Val Selby [00:11:45]:

I'm aware of this, my brain's already gonna go, hey. We're on vacation already. I can feel it. It's warm. It's just gonna be a thing. So I'm gonna pay attention to that when April's coming up. Okay, how much can I get done before then to prepare for the lack of brain activity going on in April and the lack of time and the fact that I'm probably not gonna wanna? I'm just not gonna wanna.

Val Selby [00:12:13]:

I know this about me. I'm learning when all of that happens of I don't wanna, kinda like the last week of the year. The last week of the year for me is in I don't wanna, which is a big reason why I made sure and changed everything for the schedule for my team so that they can be a "I don't wanna" that week also and not worry about it. So pay attention to when are the time periods that you're gonna be in chaos, that there's a lot going on. For some people, it could be the summer. Your summer is just insane. You love to go camping. You're going to the lake.

Val Selby [00:12:50]:

You're doing all of these things. So pay attention. Do you need to plan ahead for July or August? Because that's gonna be when your chaos hits and you're not gonna wanna. That I don't want us are gonna hit, pay attention. Plan for those ahead of time and know that it's okay. It's okay. It's okay. That's why we have to have these different time periods of time off is to recharge and 100% shutdown and go away from it.

Val Selby [00:13:20]:

Get away from everything. And that just brought to mind. I know there's so many memes that I'll come across and do something that you'd do create a life that you don't have to run away from. Bullshit. Bullshit. There's no such thing as creating a life that you don't have to run away from. Can you create a life that you absolutely love? For sure. But guess what? Life be lifin', and there's no way around it.

Val Selby [00:13:51]:

And there's always responsibilities. Always. We're adulting, right? We have to be adulting. We have to pay bills. We have to earn income. We have to do these things in order to create the life that we love, which means having a vacation and knowing that, guess what, here I am. I'm in Mexico and I don't have to worry about paying the bills because that's not happening today.

Val Selby [00:14:18]:

Even if it needed to happen today, it ain't happening today. So we need that time away and plan for it. So the plan, look at your schedule, especially as we're going through everything for 2024. Look at your schedule. Know when those periods of time in your life are gonna be like a hell no. There was so many years that we'd go on an annual camping trip with a group of friends, and I would be scrambling that day before, potentially getting up early the morning of before we're leaving. I was trying to get the family packed up, trying to get the trailer packed up. We would typically go on another vacation after another little trip after that just with the 4 of us, my core family away from the group trip, and I would be doing all of that as if I didn't know a year in advance what week we had planned.

Val Selby [00:15:10]:

I just was not planning ahead for it very well. And that means I was creating my own chaos. I was creating my own issues. I was driving myself insane. So really pay attention. Pull out your calendar and map out the time periods, of hey, this is just a time period that I know nothing's gonna happen. Like I said, I've got my vacation that's gonna be happening.

Val Selby [00:15:39]:

I've talked to my husband, I'm like, okay, when are some other vacations that I need to plan for? I usually try and keep Mondays and Fridays unscheduled because he's got a weird schedule. His 4 days change every week, every other week. He has a 4 day weekend. So I want to make sure that on those 4 day weekends, we can run away. We can go to the lake fishing. We can run over to our daughter's house. Anything. It's just we have the option with the 4 day.

Val Selby [00:16:08]:

So I try to keep Mondays and Fridays open, which also helps me because it can be kind of a catch up day here and there. Every once in a while, I wanna but I have to still pay attention and look ahead and go, okay, well, this time period is this, so I probably need to do that. My daughter's birthday in July, they're talking about going to a friend's wedding. So I'm like, okay, I said it in here. It's a good tip. I've learned this.

Val Selby [00:16:34]:

I said, hey, while you're over there, if you want me to come over and watch dogs, totally cool. I will do that. And so I need to look at my schedule and I need to make sure and look ahead. Because, I mean, I go over there and her internet's good now so I can work. But am I gonna wanna? Probably not. That's what I've learned when I've been at house sitting for her. Like, I kinda like just chilling here because I don't have to clean.

Val Selby [00:16:59]:

I don't have to do anything. So I was like, it's kinda like a vacation. So I just have to pay attention to that. Okay, that time period, I have to make sure that I don't have anything pressing on my schedule. I don't wanna create chaos. I don't wanna all of a sudden be looking at my computer going, oh, now you have to work because that's never fun. Even if it's something that I want to work on, if I know I have to do it.

Val Selby [00:17:23]:

Right? So look ahead. See what dates you know are more chaotic for you or a hell no. I ain't working. And mark them off on whatever calendar you use. I actually am a desk calendar girl, a big desk calendar girl, like the large one. So I have to get another one to finish out 2024 so I can map all that out, which that idea used to stress me out, and now it calms me? Man, how things change. But whatever calendar you're using, take a look and make sure it's the calendar you're using, not the calendar that you're like, oh, I should do this.

Val Selby [00:18:03]:

No. The calendar that you actually use, take a look at it. Map out the I don't wannas. Map out the time periods that you think are gonna be I don't wannas so that you are prepared ahead of time. You're working towards that. Okay, I know I'm not going to be working at all during this. Okay, I know I'm gonna be at one quarter capacity brain wise in August or in April, for example.

Val Selby [00:18:29]:

I know this, so I'm gonna prepare for it. I'm gonna prepare my team for it too. Go, hey, okay, my brain's probably gonna leave the building, so double check some of this stuff for me, please, and thank you. I love you. And he's listening to this too. So there's that.

Val Selby [00:18:45]:

Anyways, prepare as much as possible for the times of chaos. And remember, you have ownership. You get to choose what your schedule looks like. You get to choose if you throw everything in there and the kitchen sink. Just enjoy it because you're like, yeah, this is just how it is. And I'm thriving right now, and this is how it's gonna be. And it's gonna be crazy.

Val Selby [00:19:08]:

And that is okay because this is everything that I want to be doing, which just means you're living your best life. Sometimes your best life is chaos. It's okay. It's a positive chaos. It's just crazy. It's just a crazy time period. Sometimes there's stuff every single day. So make a choice.

Val Selby [00:19:24]:

Is it stuff every single day that you wanna be doing? Or is your business suffering and you don't want it to be? You know, it's about choices. So just own it. Just own it. Okay, this is what's going on, and these are the choices I'm gonna make. And see how much your shoulders drop. You can take the deep breath and be like, yep, I'm owning it. This is how it's going to be. And that's okay.

Val Selby [00:19:52]:

I am okay with this. Nobody else matters. You have to be okay with your choices. And when you're okay with your choices, deep breaths can happen. It can happen less. The shoulders don't have to go up to the ears or beyond. So take ownership for your schedule. I'm gonna have a day of that.

Val Selby [00:20:13]:

I can feel it. I don't know why. I think just because I'm talking about it, it's gonna be a day or night. Okay. I've got another guest coming in for next week's, and oh, then wow. Then we're in a new year. Can you even believe it? I can't believe it. Alright.

Val Selby [00:20:34]:

I will talk to you again soon and embrace your chaos. Take a deep breath. Own your choices. Set your boundaries. Be happy. Be happy. Alright. I'll talk to you later.