Val Selby [00:00:06]:
Hey, this is Val Selby and after over 20 years online, I can track where my mindset has blocked me. If procrastination, impostor syndrome and a lack of focus have been blocking your biz, then Val Full Volume is here to help you see choices you are making. Get ready to use your expertise to collaborate like a pro as you create the business of your dreams. Now is the time to make changes and live your best life. Let's get to it! 

Val Selby [00:00:36]:
Alright, everyone. I've got a guest today, and I think it's extra, extra, extra funny that when we were talking in the background, Dai. Right?

Dai [00:00:45]:
Yeah. Yeah. You nailed it. No. You got it, Val.

Val Selby [00:00:48]:
I love the fact that as we were talking, you said you live with 3 women, and this is the only way she can do it.

Dai [00:00:54]:
Only time I get words in. That's why I need a podcast. I swear. It's the only way. Like, I'm just catching up on, like, 20 years and not being able to say what's on my mind. That's all.

Val Selby [00:01:02]:
Okay. So the topics must be just bubbling in your brain. So you guys, obviously, there's gonna be some squirrels happening because, you know, I love squirrels, and I can tell, you're a squirrel as well. Yes. I can tell. So this this is gonna be fun. Let's see. We're in the hell this even goes.

Val Selby [00:01:18]:
So would you please just tell my listeners about yourself?

Dai [00:01:21]:
The simple answer is I'm just a dude from Vancouver, Canada. I am first and foremost a father, a very proud father of 2 beautiful girls. And I shouldn't call them girls. They're young women now. They're now 19 and 21.

Val Selby [00:01:32]:
Oh, good.

Dai [00:01:32]:
And I've been dating my wife for 23 years, if you can believe it. And outside of that, I just love to help people navigate change, whether that's through fitness modalities or it's through mental mindset, conditioning, or sometimes it's just having a great conversation to get clear on what our goals, vision, mission, purpose is. Because that stuff can be very clarifying, but more importantly builds confidence for us to take the right actions and continuously make those commitments to keep moving forward. And that's what I love doing. And I do in lots of different ways, which will probably come out in our conversation today.

Val Selby [00:02:05]:
Awesome. Yep. Love it. And of course, you've got squirrels and like to talk because-

Dai [00:02:08]:
All day long.

Val Selby [00:02:09]:
I'm down here in Seattle.

Dai [00:02:10]:
Sweet. We're neighbors.

Val Selby [00:02:11]:
Yeah. We're neighbors. Yeah. My family's actually up there in in the Vancouver area. Tsawwassen First Nation.

Dai [00:02:18]:
Tsawwassen's great. Oh, such a beautiful area there. Oh, yeah.

Val Selby [00:02:22]:
Yep. So of course, of course, of course, of course. So I love the fact that you've got your fitness stuff that you talk about, but you wrap it in with the mindset. Which shouldn't even be a wrap around. It should be a-

Dai [00:02:40]:
But you know what? I think we're just also used to media. I mean, we've grown up in this, Val. You and I know based on our age and our own experiences, and many, many people have experienced this too. But I mean, the younger generation's more so because they've grown up and never known a world without it in the way that it is today. But media projects a lot of things and we consume a lot and the algorithms pick up on that and give us more of it. And we have to think about it. A lot of it is very eye candy, very physical, very much setting sort of expectations that are unrealistic. And people are always feeling like they're in this state of comparing themselves to everything else other than asking themselves what makes themselves happy.

Dai [00:03:21]:
What feels right, and trusting that intuition that's in all of us. And it's a hard place to be. And so when you talk about fitness, I mean, fitness is probably one of the worst. I've been in the fitness industry almost 30 years now. And I'll tell you, going to trade shows, these are people that are ambassadors for health and well-being. And you'd be surprised.

Dai [00:03:41]:
They are the biggest partiers, and they often live double lives. I was one of them. Full admission. 

Val Selby [00:03:46]:
I was one as well. It's actually why I got out because I was a hypocrite.

Dai [00:03:52]:
How crazy is that though? But this is very common in the industry. So common. I mean, I call it the filtering effect. Right? It's like the Instagram filter effect, where we we show what we wanna show, but we hide everything else.

Val Selby [00:04:02]:
Yeah.

Dai [00:04:03]:
And it is very much an iceberg. But there's a tip that we like to show, which is all the nice stuff, but it's that other 80% that's below. That that's not getting talked about, not getting shared. And this is where vulnerability comes into play. We're getting to own owning who we are and who we want to be and owning that journey and doing the things that's going to move us forward. But let's be fair. It's hard.

Dai [00:04:23]:
It is hard. It's confusing. I mean, and there's so many different views and perspectives and ideas. And how does one reconcile all that? And so it's hard. It's a hard space to be in, and I'm doing my darnest to try to help people get more clear, more confidence, so they can take the right actions to create the right results.

Val Selby [00:04:39]:
Yeah. Because we're all dealing with this human brain, and our human brains are a mess, are a mess. And we assume that our human brain is more messy than everybody else. Because we're not talking about it.

Dai [00:04:52]:
It's so funny. Right? It's true.

Val Selby [00:04:54]:
We were just talking about it in group coaching session today, because that's one of the beautiful things about group coaching. Is all of a sudden you realize, oh my god. That's the same thing I've been thinking. It's yeah. That's the same thing millionaires are thinking. We're all screwed up. We're all stuck in our head.

Dai [00:05:09]:
It's wild. But you're right, though. That's the one thing about when we start to be vulnerable and open and transparent in some of the things that we're feeling or experiencing. Specifically, those voices in the head, they can get really loud at times, And yet, we do our darndest to dampen that noise. Usually with things that aren't necessarily healthy. Like, for me, that that voice in my mind, I used to I could shut it off if I had a few drinks.

Dai [00:05:32]:
And so that became my normal. Right? It was at the end of every day. It's like, jeez, I just need to unplug.

Val Selby [00:05:36]:
Yep.

Dai [00:05:37]:
And the only way I could unplug was to have a few drinks.

Val Selby [00:05:39]:
Yep. 

Dai [00:05:39]:
And it became a ritual. And it was a big part of my life for, gosh, well over 15 years. And it it was challenging because everybody I associated with did the exact same thing.

Val Selby [00:05:50]:
Right. So then we can justify it. Right? Because everybody's doing it. It can't be bad.

Dai [00:05:55]:
It's normal. Everybody does it. So Yep. Don't be worried about it. But also with a lot of the men that I associated with, and especially how I was brought up, I'm a man who identifies as a man. And then I look at my connections. The people I would spend the most amount of time with, they were other people that had similar perspectives, were wanting similar things, which isn't bad, because as Jim Rohn once said, we're the net sum of the 5 closest relationships we maintain in our lives. So we if you want greater results in life, well, get around people that are pursuing great results.

Dai [00:06:22]:
And so change is very realistic and doable. But if some of those habits aren't necessarily productive habits, those can also be highly influenced and reinforced in our regular everyday life to the point where it becomes normal. And we don't know anything other than that. And and I'll talk tell you what, being vulnerable and opening up about this concern or these challenges that we were dealing with, especially I was dealing with internally.

Val Selby [00:06:43]:
Mhmm.

Dai [00:06:44]:
That was never modeled to me. So I never did it. But as soon as I opened up about it, it was crazy. Other guys, other women, other people, human beings started saying, oh, wow. You got that struggle too?

Val Selby [00:06:57]:
Yeah.

Dai [00:06:57]:
Jeez. I thought I was the only one that had that problem. And that is the craziest thing. When you start opening up, you start to realize there's so many other people that are having similar experiences. So why not learn how to help each other? Rather than try to based on shame, based on that that sort of negative opinion we have of ourselves, based on our choices, our actions, our lack of follow through, we shield ourselves from being vulnerable. And, hey, I'm not saying I'm an expert in vulnerability, but I'm still working on it.

Val Selby [00:07:21]:
Right. But it is amazing because and I know listeners, it's it's part of when you find your expertise as well. Because all of a sudden, you're being vulnerable and all of the stuff that's easy for you starts coming out. It's like, well, oh, really? Nobody knew that? What?

Dai [00:07:39]:
It's wild. It is absolutely wild. And I I love Brene Brown because a lot of her teachings are very much in the corporate arena. But it's applicable to the personal arena too, because I find that all those skills, whoever we are, we're a component of all those things mucked up in one, right? So we have a business part of ourselves. We have an entrepreneurial part. We have a parent type parts. Like we, we all have these aspects of who we are, but there's so many of them that we don't realize because we never put any time or effort into developing those areas. Right? Like, we get so focused on one thing.

Dai [00:08:09]:
Like, and I was like that with my business when I first started it. I was just like, this is it. This is where I'm gonna put all my time, my all my energy, family. I'll get to them later. My health, I'll get to that later. I gotta focus on this first. And what you realize is that it's really hard to sustain that.

Dai [00:08:24]:
Because if you're not looking after everything else, gosh, it falls apart pretty quick.

Val Selby [00:08:29]:
Yeah. 2020 taught a lot of us that. I know. I burned out at the end of 2020. Like, I was going to shut down. Like, no goodbye to anybody in business, just shut her down. But that thought immediately hit, okay, well then how can you scale back? How can you make things more important? Because if you're never gonna email or never gonna social media or never gonna do any of this, then just doing 5 things in your business, there's more than the nothing you're about to do.

Val Selby [00:08:58]:
And taking the time off because as entrepreneurs, that is horrible thing. We a lot of us are really horrible about that. We talk about we want this 5 hour work week, then we work 7 days a week. Right?

Dai [00:09:13]:
Well, I had a mentor at one point, and he said, hey, duh, you wanna be an entrepreneur? I'm like, yeah, I wanna be an entrepreneur. Oh, why? Oh, because I can really have control of my calendar, my schedule, do what I want, when I want. He goes, yeah. Well, you're right. When you're an entrepreneur, you only work half time. I'm like, really? He goes, yeah. Either the first 12 hours or the last 12 hours of the day. And I was like, oh, touche.

Dai [00:09:33]:
I didn't even know. But he was right. He was absolutely correct. It's amazing how quickly time gets eaten up. But there's nothing wrong with that, but I think it's creating the space to also have that harmony between other areas that are important to us. But how do we create harmony? Because I hear people say work life balance all the time, but I don't know.

Dai [00:09:52]:
The more I've looked for work life balance, the more I've realized I can't find it.

Val Selby [00:09:55]:
Yeah. I had a coach tell me that years ago that she hates the word balance. And I'm like, whatever. I need it. I need a balance. She's like, nobody's actually SOE keywording looking for the word balance because that's not what they want. I'm like, but we do. Like, it's a lie.

Val Selby [00:10:12]:
Balance is a lie because, I mean, if you're present in your life, you're there on whatever you're doing. Right? So it's like, okay, this will help. Do you have tips for this? How do you do the present for each thing and start working through the, okay, well, which one's not as balanced? Oh, God, I use the word, but-

Dai [00:10:32]:
No, no. It's true, though.

Val Selby [00:10:33]:
Which one's out of whack? Let's use out of whack.

Dai [00:10:36]:
Well, I think there's a few different exercises or ways to sort of shift one's perspective to see this a bit more clearly. And I think it's always about getting honest with what are our primary values and the things that we're willing not to negotiate on. And what I mean by that is I know a lot of people out there, they have very strong faith beliefs. Amazing.

Val Selby [00:10:53]:
Mhmm.

Dai [00:10:54]:
K. Well, do you compromise that belief ever? Do you go against what that belief is? And very rarely do we do that because it makes us feel so guilty, shameful, and just misaligned. Right? Where in other terms, we could say unbalanced. Right? Off kilter. And so we know when we honor our values and we honor our own integrity, when it comes to living our values, things seem to run a bit smoother.

Val Selby [00:11:19]:
Yeah.

Dai [00:11:20]:
But how many of us take the time to really get clear on what are our primary values? What am I willing to never negotiate on?

Val Selby [00:11:25]:
Right. None. No. We I mean, we don't. We we don't do that. Yeah. It's that simple, right?

Dai [00:11:31]:
It is. But we need to understand what is it that we honor and truly honor for ourselves and for the people that are most important to us. And so for back in the day, when I was going through that transition, moving away from alcohol, basically saying no to alcohol, so I could say yes to the life and the person that I've always wanted to be, but was constantly struggling to attain.

Val Selby [00:11:49]:
Yeah.

Dai [00:11:50]:
And I had to get alcohol in the mix to see things clearly. I knew that that was the one thing that was holding me back.

Val Selby [00:11:55]:
Mhmm.

Dai [00:11:56]:
And it was a hard crutch to remove because it was a very good coping mechanism.

Val Selby [00:12:01]:
Yep. Well, and it's also that nice little comfort zone block of, okay, well, I'm not getting to my greatness, and it's technically not my fault. Right?

Dai [00:12:11]:
Well, and and that's. Yeah. You're absolutely right, because I I was very good at making excuses. And it was everybody else's fault, not my own.

Val Selby [00:12:17]:
I don't know anybody in the fitness industry that's not amazing at making excuses. We use them all. That's why they can't use them on us.

Dai [00:12:24]:
That's true. I mean, and there's always the same ones coming again and again. And as I moved away from sort of the drinking and started to think about, well, I've always said I want to be this kind of man. And I always wanted to be a great man, a great father, a great husband. Well, what does that mean, actually? Because it's a wonderful idea, but until we break it down into actual, what does that mean? And why do I want that? But going through that exercise and that inquisition internally, you start to realize, it's like, what family is one of my core values? I'm not going to negotiate on that. And so as I was leaning into this new venture and I sort of left an old industry of 17 years to go and pursue other things, I realized very quickly that opportunities would present itself, but it would start to compromise my family value.

Dai [00:13:07]:
Meaning, it might require me to travel for a couple weeks a month, or I might have to go away and speak at an event, and it's not gonna be an in and out kind of an event. I might need to be there for 5 days. And it's like, but does this really align? I moved away from what I was doing professionally before so I could do something else that that allowed me to honor my family more.

Val Selby [00:13:25]:
Mhmm.

Dai [00:13:26]:
And so as we get clear on these values, we can start to say yes and say no rather than these constant collection of maybes, you know, or tomorrow. I'll do that tomorrow. Right? And you reach into your pocket, and it's, like, man, I've used that excuse but a 100 times. Oh, wow. Look. I emptied my pockets. All I've got are these empty yesterdays or these empty promises to myself. And that is not a very fulfilling feeling.

Dai [00:13:50]:
But you have to lock in on the feeling to know how to move away from it. And it's very simple. Get clear on those visions or those values. And for me, it's family, fitness, faith, finances, and always an overarching roof of fun. So I have 5S. And they're my filters. I pass every decision through those filters.

Dai [00:14:07]:
And it's helped things, it's helped me be better connected to myself, but also to the people that matter most in my life. 

Val Selby [00:14:13]:
And this is so exciting because I've worked with - I mean, because obviously as a mom, I've worked over the years with so many moms. And I came to terms with a few years ago that, of course, I would drop everything at any time and go be mom. Because that was always my top core, is family is just at the top. I will drop everything. It's like, done. Cancel the day. But I work with so many women, and we beat ourselves up about it. Because we wanted to be there for the family, and that's a core, but we're not paying attention to it being that much of a core.

Val Selby [00:14:45]:
But we didn't get this done in our business, and we didn't get that done in our business. So then we beat ourselves up. It's like, stop, stop, stop, stop. But it's like you said, that was a core thing. That's top level. That's more important. So what's your top levels? What's your core? What are your f's everyone out there? How can you get it down to that simple?

Dai [00:15:05]:
And I - that's a great question or statement. There's an exercise I use, and I like to sort of I mean, as far as the writer, I mean, I like alliteration for one. That's why there's the 5S. But, also, I I like the idea of metaphor, simile, and helping us take complex ideas and simplify them in a way that we can understand them. But more importantly, do something with it. And And so I always envision people imagine your life is a home or a house, your typical one. Like, remember when we were kids, we would draw a house to be a square? And then a triangle over it with some green grass on it.

Dai [00:15:35]:
Right? Like, super simple. So you take that idea, and you've got 4 walls. Right? Each wall is going to be a value. It sits on the foundation because we know the foundation is so critical. Without a solid foundation, it doesn't matter what kind of structure you erect, it's gonna be on a stable ground. So that first major event or catalyst that rocks our lives will make that wall or walls lose integrity and start to fail or we start to feel like we're failing in those areas. But of course, there's also an overarching roof. Right? So I like to use the 4 walls and use S for those.

Dai [00:16:10]:
And then the ceiling, obviously, the roof is fun.

Val Selby [00:16:13]:
Fun.

Dai [00:16:13]:
Fitness, faith, finances, family. But here's the the secret part that I always like to reinforce is my foundation upon which everything is built is health. And I'll go as far to say mental health, spiritual health, physical health, financial health, like it just being healthy and resilient. Because if you play on this analogy a little bit, whatever your four walls and roof are, I would argue that probably everyone's foundation is going to be some sort of health metric. Because without health, it's - I mean, when you're really sick, you deal with chronic issues like chronic pain, chronic stress, I live with a chronic autoimmune condition, there's days where it's really hard. And it's what we do on those days that are really that matters most. But to get that clarity, get that confidence, we need to understand what is the structure I'm trying to maintain and strengthen.

Dai [00:17:02]:
Because let's just say a tornado comes into my home. Right? Maybe it's I got a tax bill. I'm like, uh-oh. My financial wall right now just I just found out I got a bunch of termites. I gotta do something here. I gotta reinforce that wall so I can have better resilience against future financial strains that might present itself. And so you can apply this modality or this train of thought to those areas in your life that you want to honor, but maybe you feel like you're not honoring to your fullest potential.

Dai [00:17:31]:
And so that's what I invite people to think about. Just draw that simple little graphic. I mean, gosh, I'm the worst artist there is. So if I can do it, anybody can do it. And just figure out what are those walls? What is the ceiling? And if you struggle with figuring out what your values are, Val, I know you support people with this, so check out Val and how she can help you with this. Or Brene Brown's got some tools as well. There's a lot of tools out there to help you get clear on what your visions are.

Val Selby [00:17:55]:
Yeah.

Dai [00:17:55]:
And it's a process of elimination, just so you're aware. You'll get this list of like 200 values, and you'll go, and you'll probably circle the first 40.

Val Selby [00:18:01]:
Yes.

Dai [00:18:01]:
Then you got to eliminate 10, Eliminate another 10. Eliminate another 5. We can get down to that core group of 5. And if it feels right, lean into that more. And see what happens. And it'd be amazing what happens. Everything changes.

Dai [00:18:16]:
It all changes.

Val Selby [00:18:17]:
I'm giggling in my head a little bit because I'm realizing how much our generation is making change. Because we weren't taught any of this stuff and we were instant society. I mean, growing up with the eighties happening, you had instant success. You had instant everything, the Internet, when we were there at the beginning, everything's instant. And I really noticed that so many in our generation now are doing that. You know what? It might take you a couple of days to go through your list of 200. Breathe, and it's gonna be okay. It's gonna be okay.

Dai [00:18:51]:
Absolutely. I mean, it it'd be some of the most worthwhile work you ever do. Because we're also talking about quality of life moving forward. Right from this moment, when you draw the line on the ground and you decide to step over, you'll realize if you turn around, you can see that track that you've tracked to get to that point. But the cool part is everything in front of you, there's no footprints yet. You get to choose where you go. You get to choose what you do in the moment, which is going to either propel you forward or maybe take you back. But you're never going to stay in the same place.

Dai [00:19:20]:
I hope everyone realizes that because the more you try to keep things as exactly as they are, Buddha said, this too shall pass. Whether it's the good things or the the bad things or the great things in life, those too shall pass.

Val Selby [00:19:31]:
Yep. Because the worst will get worse if you're just gonna sit in the muck.

Dai [00:19:34]:
Yeah. Oh my gosh. I I remember that same mentor, I remember him telling me once, he was like, Yeah, you know, some of these gurus, because I was contemplating, you know, just looking for a new coach, right? And he's like, be cautious, Dai, because a lot of these people, you know, they're saying the right things. They're presenting themselves a certain way. And a lot of these people really think they got their shit together. And I'm like, yeah, I know. That's why I want to hire one. He goes, well, just so you know, all these people that think they got their shit together, just view if they look down, they'll just see that they're standing in it.

Val Selby [00:20:01]:
Oh, yeah.

Dai [00:20:02]:
And when he said that to me, I was like, oh, man. That's pretty good. I like that. I'll use that. Thank you.

Val Selby [00:20:07]:
Yeah. And and if they're not willing to tell you that they're standing in it, that's the issue. It sounds like you're very similar to the fact that I'm taking people on the journey with me. I never gonna say that I've got all of this down or perfect. I'm learning just as much from my coaching clients as they're learning from me. Like, yeah, I screw up a lot.

Dai [00:20:25]:
Yeah. But that's the way it should be. Like, I think we all have our faults, but the faults are what make us who we are. And it's not a limitation.

Val Selby [00:20:32]:
And it's the only way we can grow.

Dai [00:20:34]:
Yes. Thank you. It's right. It's not a limitation. It is, in fact, something that we can overcome, we can improve on, but it does take effort. And that's a way to realize about our weaknesses. The areas that we're not as strong or as confident, they're gonna require more focus and intention and time, activity to see them strengthen. We all have natural strengths, and we like to work in those areas naturally.

Dai [00:20:57]:
Like, there's some fitness. Right? I have these guys that I'll coach. Right? And they're like, can we bench press today? How do you do this? You bench press, like, freaking every day. No. Like, we're not benching. We're squatting today. We're doing some dead lifts. Like, we're gonna do some other functional movement, but you're not bench pressing.

Dai [00:21:10]:
In fact, I don't want you to bench press again for 3 months. Like, no. Because we always wanna do the things that we like and we feel is best. And that we're best at because it makes us feel good. And I'm not opposed to that. Do a little bit of what makes you feel good. But don't forget about the stuff that's in the weeds over there that you're ignoring because that area, if you improve that, other than that you do really good at, it's all of a sudden you come in really great at.

Dai [00:21:34]:
Because when we strengthen the weakest link, the rest of the chain's integrity gets stronger.

Val Selby [00:21:39]:
Yeah.

Dai [00:21:39]:
Same applies for our life. As we work on those values, work on those systems that are part of our life, you gotta work on the weaknesses first. Use the best energy, best intentions to work on that first. And I'm not saying work on all of them. Just pick one.

Val Selby [00:21:54]:
Yeah. Yeah. No. Exactly. Pick one. Yeah. I did that a few years ago because I mean, as a talker, I wasn't a very good listener.

Dai [00:22:04]:
Oh, interesting.

Val Selby [00:22:05]:
And so I actually that set that as a a thing I had to start becoming a better listener. And what in the world does that mean?

Dai [00:22:12]:
Yeah, right.

Val Selby [00:22:13]:
But becoming a better listener made me so much better coach, better human, better mom, because I wasn't always thinking of my response, which was what was happening previously. I was like, oh, god. I have to have the right answer. I have to tell everybody what to do. So picking that fault.

Dai [00:22:30]:
I think we've all had that experience as coaches, as mentors, as people that support others through changes. We have to recognize that we're all on the same or a similar hero's journey. Right? Like we're on a somewhat of a hero's journey, and we meet people along the way that support us, to see things just a little bit differently, to see ourselves differently. Because when when our internal perspective shifts, it's amazing how our world view changes very quickly.

Val Selby [00:22:52]:
Yeah.

Dai [00:22:53]:
And and the cool thing is a lot of us make it to the top of that first hill. And when inevitably, we turn back and we look down the hill, and it's like, oh, my gosh. That's where I started. Look at how far I've come. But you know what? There's 20 other people down there right now that need some help up. I'm gonna down. I'm gonna help guide them a little bit to get to where I am right now.

Val Selby [00:23:10]:
Yeah.

Dai [00:23:10]:
And in doing so, it's very interesting because us as coaches, we often go back, and we go back through the things that we struggled with, and we become masterful at those things. Because we've been through it again and again and again, and now we've helped others through it. And it's awesome. It's such a fulfilling career path. And I'm not talking just coaches or mentors. I'm talking teachers and sports coaches. And I mean, everybody has that mentorship ability in them.

Val Selby [00:23:33]:
Yeah.

Dai [00:23:34]:
It's just, are we applying it? Are we using it to support others navigate similar challenges that we ourselves have navigated? Some do, some don't. That's okay.

Val Selby [00:23:42]:
And it can be hard because I know one of the issues is all if if you're going back to help at the very beginning, like, the first few times that you do it, you go back to help, and you're in it. I mean, you are feeling it. Yeah. Totally triggered. You're feeling it. And I have to say from what you're also saying is in and it gets better.

Dai [00:24:02]:
Yes.

Val Selby [00:24:02]:
And it's not so mucky. And then you help more people. I mean, that's how coaching grows. It, like, becomes this thing. Right? Addiction. Yeah. Total addiction. 

Dai [00:24:12]:
It it's great. I love it. I absolutely love it. I know you love it, and it's not always perfect. I've worked with people where I've had to take it on the channel a little bit. And what I mean by that is I've realized that, and this is from early on as a coach, as a mentor, I I realized that just because I've done some doesn't mean everybody else can do it the way that I did it. And that was a realization. I had to get to that place though to really understand that.

Dai [00:24:32]:
It was just my naivety as I ventured into that space. Right? And I think it was very telling for myself, because I started to recognize where all my limits were. Not realizing they were there, but they were there, very apparent. But being okay with that and recognizing it's okay, it just means I got to work on it a bit. I got to work on me. Change the inputs if you want to change the outputs. I mean, the scientific method is very basic.

Dai [00:24:58]:
It's like very factual based, very data driven. If you got certain things going into your life, going into your mind, well, it's gonna affect what's coming out. And so if you don't like the outcomes that you're receiving in life, start looking at what's inputting into your life every day. Because the the secret's there. And it's not really a secret. You just got to pull back the the sheet, and you'll be like, woah. There's a lot of stuff I do in the day that's holding me back. Man, what if I just stop doing that one thing every day that just keeps getting snagged on? And for me, it was alcohol.

Dai [00:25:28]:
And as soon as we removed that, it was amazing how smoothly things started to move forward for me. You know?

Val Selby [00:25:33]:
Nice. Yeah. What you're talking about, I actually call uncoaching. I was sitting in a group coaching session and all of a sudden I just was regurgitating information from my coaches with zero thought. Zero thought is just flowing out. And I'm all of a sudden my brain went I had just talked about it in email. I'm like, my brain went, why do you believe this way? And I processed that in the group coaching session with everybody.

Val Selby [00:26:00]:
Because I'm like, okay. We've got something blowing up right now. I'm like, I'm just gonna talk out loud. Work through this. I'm like, because I'm just realizing how much I'm regurgitating information I I was told, and that has nothing to do with your life or even my life.

Val Selby [00:26:18]:
Not even my life. It's a matter of-

Dai [00:26:19]:
So good.

Val Selby [00:26:21]:
That was somebody's view.

Dai [00:26:23]:
That's such a huge awareness, though. Right? Like, when you develop that self awareness, it's it's great because then you can start to identify the areas where you want to see change.

Val Selby [00:26:31]:
Yeah.

Dai [00:26:31]:
And I think that's the problem with change a lot of the time is we we spend so much time in life trying to avoid change.

Val Selby [00:26:37]:
Yeah.  

Dai [00:26:38]:
We forget that change isn't necessarily a bad thing. No. It it happens all the time. I get it. The more you fight against change, the more you're gonna be frustrated and disappointed because it's gonna happen whether you like it or not. So.

Val Selby [00:26:46]:
The the kids grew up. Right? I mean, we don't have a choice.

Dai [00:26:49]:
Yes. Oh, we're open nesters now, my wife and I. And I'm like, holy smokes. And sorry, I should I heard somebody else use the term open nesters the other day, and I forget where I saw it. But we were using the term empty nesters, like, no. No. No. No.

Dai [00:27:00]:
It's an open nest. Because they can come back, they can go again. And now we're ready to receive more.

Val Selby [00:27:05]:
I like that.

Dai [00:27:06]:
And so I like that openness. It's a great shift. Right? Cool. Where I was going with this is once you can identify that and really own that, but not feel any shame or blame or anything. It's just like this is very much radical self compassion. Right? Like, it's like, no. I love myself. I know this is a limitation of mine. It didn't happen by accident.

Dai [00:27:27]:
I helped curate this based on what I've done and the people I've connected with and the things that I understand right now. Maybe the belief that's got me here isn't gonna serve me to move to the next phase of my life. So what do I need to leave behind? That that baggage, do you wanna keep rolling it along? Like, I got the roller bag. It's only got 3 wheels. Man, I hate dragging that thing. I'd rather just ditch that and leave it and go as a minimalist forward in life. And that's sort of the thing that my wife, my kids, like, we've really adopted that mentality. But it didn't come by accident.

Dai [00:27:58]:
It was designed and intentional. And I think there's power in that. I mean, if we wait for change to happen, we might be waiting a very long time.

Val Selby [00:28:06]:
Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah. We've gotta make we're we we are always making choices.

Dai [00:28:10]:
Sure.

Val Selby [00:28:10]:
Not making a choice is a choice. 

Dai [00:28:13]:
Correct. Yes. Yes. Yes. Thank you, Val. Val. Spot on.

Val Selby [00:28:16]:
Totally. Exactly. So that Yeah. So make the choices for what we want to create. Perfect. Oh, gosh. Okay. So I knew I knew we'd be able to go on forever and ever.

Val Selby [00:28:25]:
What would you like to leave the listeners with? Any last thought?

Dai [00:28:31]:
Geez. Well, my invitation to everyone is if you think about your 24 hour day, we all got the same time to play with. We had a 168 hours a week, 365 days a year with all exception this year, we get 366. But wait, actually that's tomorrow, isn't it? Yeah, tomorrow's the week here.

Val Selby [00:28:46]:
Yeah, tomorrow's our extra day. Yeah.

Dai [00:28:49]:
And, and it's like, I don't think I'm getting paid for that day. No. But so we all have the same amount of time. But time is never seen as a tangible because it's not. It's intangible. I mean, it's a construct in our minds. I mean, sure, we have ways to measure it, but, again, it's all very constructive. And time is very fluid.

Dai [00:29:08]:
Right? Like, we lose time at times when we're having so much fun. We find ourselves in a flow state. And there's other times, like, I remember back in school looking at the clock. Is it 3 years? When do I get to go home? I swear I've been looking at the clock. It's taken 12 hours to get through 6. And it's this relationship that we have. But all that being said, I invite people to look at their time as a percentage. If every 24 hours is a 100% of your day, could you give yourself 2% as a non negotiable commitment every day to do the thing that you know by doing that thing it moves your life one step forward.

Dai [00:29:42]:
And I know people are like doing the math, and they're like 2% of, oh yeah, 28.4 minutes, and I just round it up. I call it 30 minutes, right? Or the 2% solution. And this is this idea, like, and I'm not the answer, but there's people out there that have done things that you yourself want to do. Well, go and see what were some of those habits that helped them get there and commit 30 minutes a day to start doing some of those habits. Make it nonnegotiable. It is something that's important for you. But you're gonna see that that compounding effect over time, and it doesn't take very long, will have a huge impact on not only your life, but the life of those that you that are most important to you.

Val Selby [00:30:18]:
 Mhmm.

Dai [00:30:19]:
And so that's my invitation, everybody. Is this look at your calendar 30 minutes a day for the thing that you know you've been putting off doing and start doing it.

Val Selby [00:30:29]:
And you know what it is because it's it popped in your brain as soon as you heard him say that. It popped in your brain, and that's the thing. That's the thing right there. Perfect. Oh my gosh. So everyone, you know, if you connected, you connected, and everything will be in the show notes for you to go and visit and find out more information and see how you can work with Dai. Thank you for being here so much. This is awesome.

Dai [00:30:55]:
Thank you, Val. And I just have to commend you. I got a chance to totally creep you online, and I love everything that you're doing, but more importantly, how you're making an impact. Not only with your show and your content, but just the way that you show to serve every day. And I just wanna say it was a real treat to be here, and I feel honored and very, very lucky to have had this conversation with you today. And thank you. Thank you for this experience.

Dai [00:31:16]:
It's been awesome.

Val Selby [00:31:17]:
Yeah. I can't wait to share you out there with more people in the world. That's wonderful. Thank you so much.

Dai [00:31:23]:
Thank you, Val.